Raw

Easton is five weeks and two days old.

He isn't sleeping through the night or even half of it. 

His brothers don't care that I don't get much sleep. 

His Daddy still has to work regardless of my need for a day of rest.

I am tired. 

I have tried to maintain some normalcy for the older boys. I have tried to make the transition as easy as possible for them. We have our routine like we did before Easton was born. I am trying. 

Some nights I go to bed feeling like I failed as a parent that day. 

I feel like I said, "No", "Stop". "Don't do that", "Go to your room", "I mean seriously..." way more times than I would like. 

I sigh with frustration when they gripe and complain about picking up their toys. "Why can't you just do it for us?" This is after I have washed and folded their laundry, mopped the bathroom floor (again) because of "bad aim", washed their dishes only to get more dishes dirty as I prepare yet another meal ...I could go on. 

I wonder if Jesus was even present in my words or attitude. 

Those are not fun days. 

Some nights I go to bed feeling completely exhausted but thankful for a good day. 

I didn't have to break up a fight or clean up more than one cup of spilled milk. 

I actually took a shower...and got to rinse the soap off. 

The boys acted like they liked each other and even cheered each other on during their basketball game.

The blessing at dinner was genuine and heartfelt...and they thanked him for me. 

Maybe I am doing something right. 

Being a mommy is hard work. It doesn't matter if you have one child or ten...it's a high calling that requires lots of patience and prayer! There are more good days than not-so-good days and I am so thankful for four happy healthy boys. He is using the little men he has blessed me with to grow me in Christlikeness. Right now he is using the youngest to teach me patience...especially when he wakes up multiple times during the night."

I have had several people tell me that I am "in the trenches." These trenches are crucial times for spiritual foundations for my boys and spiritual growth for me. I don't want to miss that.

I am tired. 

I am blessed. 

I am thankful. 

His, 

Meg 

Zeph. 3:17